As Martha Stewart prepares to serve time, requesting to begin her incarceration before her appeal is heard, America can rest easy, knowing Osama Bin Laden is still free, Republicans will demonstrate will find out who leaked fake memos to CBS and that the Sunni Triangle is the season's hot spot. -- September 20, 2004

"He's the girlie man," said Mr Bailey, holding a drawing of state governor Arnold Schwarzenegger wearing a bikini. "I passed him in the Capitol a couple of weeks ago and he had on more makeup than an anchorman." The humour, however, did not translate politically. "It uses an image that is associated with gay men in an insulting way, and it was supposed to be an insult," said state senator Sheila Kuehl. -- July 20, 2004

As Iraq explodes into martial law sovereignty and Tom Ridge and company warn of terrorist danger, the same Republicans who spent 70 million dollars investigating a blowjob while Al Quada plotted, are now trying to amend the constitution to prevent gays from marrying. Whoopie says Bush is a dick who needs a pussy wax, Dick says "Go Fuck Yourself" and the FCC may soon have to fine C-Span for indecency!!! With Barbara and Jenna Bush now on the campaign trail and glamming it up on the pages of Vogue, all is fair in love and war. Ask Uncle Jeb. -- July 16, 2004

Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said today he saw no contradiction in the government's renewed public warning of likely terrorist act and its unwillingness to raise the official alert status. In a completely unrelated event, American counterterrorism officials, citing what they call "alarming" intelligence about a possible Qaeda strike inside the United States this fall, are reviewing a proposal that could allow for the postponement of the November presidential election in the event of such an attack. -- July 11, 2004