Over the last eight years or so, Annoy.com has amassed an impressive collection of content relating to Pope John Paul II, the Catholic Church and the scandals and hatred that continue to plague its clergy as it continues to issue proclamations, edicts and directives that despite being positioned and packaged as a “culture of life,” are abusive and deadly. From poverty and AIDS stemming from a retarded policy toward condom distribution, birth control and women’s reproductive freedom to antiquated, misogynist and homophobic attitudes – all the more hypocritical given the Church’s overwhelming cadre of pedophiles – they have evolved little in their long and murderous history. From editorials, to covers, features and postcards, the Pope and the Church have certainly touched all of our lives. Some of us, however, are not that happy about it. We present a special feature in celebration of Pope John Paul II’s death, and the faint hope that the next Pope might be a little less bombastic, cruel and deadly.

ANNOY.COM RELATED COVERS

Haul Ass John
February 27, 2005

As the Pope swings in and out of hospital like Robert Downey Jr. does rehab clinics, we are forced to consider what life would be like without this old, doddering, hypocritical, satin-bedecked tranny puppet in its Popemobile, jewels and ridiculous headgear (that rivals Queen Elizabeth's), causing its head to bob up and down like a bobblehead doll. Frankly, for many he will be missed as much as Jeffrey Dahmer, but as with Jeff, many kids will be a lot better off without his hate and prejudice. Haul ass, and good riddance -- don't keep us hanging on for too long. And don't forget to take your "morals" with you.

Killa Queen
September 24, 2004

Goodbye Polish Queen;
Can’t you hear the heavens call.
You’ve no grace left to hold yourself;
If they let you go you’ll fall.
You kiss the goddamn runways,
And harbor pedophilic pigs,
Your bishops have no shame.
Do you even know your name?

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Just Wiggle
April 30, 2002

Less than a week after discussing the church's sexual abuse scandal with Pope John Paul II, U.S. Roman Catholic cardinals defended their decision not to adopt a "zero tolerance" policy against priests accused of abusing minors. Francis George of Chicago suggested the church should allow “wiggle room” in punishing abusive priests. "The Holy Father is turned on by children," said Washington archbishop, Theodore E. McCarrick. Keep wiggling fellas!

Immaculate Erection
April 22, 2002

While the Mideast exploded in a deadly blend of suicide bombing desperation and tanked optimism, innocent children, with the encouragement of their parents, lost limbs and faith at the hands of aging leaders incapable of making peace in a world that glorifies killers as martyrs. While the Vatican prayed for peace in the Middle East and spoke out loudly against the violence and bloodshed, children lost innocence and faith at the hands of negligent parents and Catholic priests in a church that shrouds in silence and denial, the rampant pedophilia in its ranks.

Miss Pedophilia
April 1, 2002

The Pope will do nothing; he’ll turn a blind eye;
John Ashcroft will save you from statues, not I.
Denial and secrecy are a powerful mix,
That the Church will exploit to cover up our tricks.
So hop under my habit and say your Hail Mary’s;
The Satan in Satin will blame it on fairies;
And faggots and homos and the evil of queers,
Not the Priests he’s ordaining and been hiding for years.

Annoy.com Exhibition: John Paul II
August 1, 2001

Hallelujah ®, Praise the Lord ®
Jesus, Inc. God Corp.
Holy See ® Holy Blind ®
Virgin Slut
Cruel Kind
Intellectual Property
Antiquated Prophecy
Madonna ® Pepsi ®
Silent Night
AIDS Amen.com ®.
© Copyright

Annoy.com Anecnote: Immaculate Misconception
June 7, 2004

The Passion of the Christ
February 15, 2004

ANNOY.COM RELATED POSTCARDS

Haul Ass
Killa Queen
Moral Bankruptcy
Who's Abusing Who?
Suffer the Children
Dirty Devil
Just Wiggle
Immaculate Erection
Miss Pedophilia
Bishop Bait
Pope John Paul II
Apologies Not
Kill Leviticus
Religion
The Love That Dares To Speak

2005, With Faith
BY CLINTON FEIN
January 3, 2005

But these are only numbers, and we live in an age of compassionate conservatism, where compassion is just as meaningful as money. And in the United States there are far more important things to worry about. Like faith.

The Catholic Church offered the victims of the tsunami prayer and some feel-good advice. "Faith teaches us that even through the most difficult and painful trials, as with the calamity in Southeast Asia, God never abandons us," the Pope lied from his luxurious apartment window overlooking St. Peter's Square. He also said that the Vatican earmarked at least $6 million in church aid for the affected areas. By the mid-1990s the church faced more than two hundred lawsuits concerning allegations of sexual abuse that cost the church $400 million in settlements, legal fees, and medical expenses for abuse victims.

[Full Editorial]

The Silence of the Sodomites
BY CLINTON FEIN
August 8, 2003

Justice Antonin Scalia, an openly Opus Dei Catholic, lamented the Supreme Court majority's opinion as an all-but-certain path to the legalization of same sex marriage, which somehow, he concluded, would destroy heterosexual marriage. As if the current fifty percent rate of failure needs any assistance. If anything, gay marriage might improve the rather unhealthy statistics that currently define heterosexual marriage.

The demented, intellectually retarded transvestite that traverses the globe in a satin dress kissing tarmac (while the majority of his organization kisses prepubescent boys in confessionals) last week released a tortured, long winded screed that all but ensures that homophobic Catholics who don't actually kill their children, will instill as much fear and hatred in them to allow them to kill themselves. The Pope, gallivanting in a bullet-proof, bubbled go-cart under the guise of a calling to a higher power, ignored the unspeakable horrors his minions are unleashing on children in the Church, instead pointing his quill at two people of the same sex who love one another, wanting to make a presumably monogamous commitment.

Matthew Shepard was violently gay bashed and crucified, literally tied to a wooden fence and left to die for the sin that compassionate conservatives like John Paul II and George W. Bush define as his mere existence. The Pope's recent angry tirade doesn't address how to avoid the kinds of dangerous mistakes that would result in the violent and senseless murder of Gwen Araujo, a transgendered teen or Barry Winchell. Winchell's parents, Wally and Pat Kutteles, can expect as much sympathy from the deranged and drooling drag queen in the Vatican as the children molested by his wayward priests received. All in the service of God. The unmasked face of faith-based governance.

Similarly, the Pope offered this gem of compassion to help parents guide their frightened children who have no control over the inclinations of their young flesh. "Sacred Scripture condemns homosexual acts 'as a serious depravity. This judgment of Scripture does not of course permit us to conclude that all those who suffer from this anomaly are personally responsible for it, but it does attest to the fact that homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered'. This same moral judgment is found in many Christian writers of the first centuries and is unanimously accepted by Catholic Tradition."

Allowing his flock to be sheltered for shattering the faith and abusing the trust of young, vulnerable and confused children by the sickening, pedophilic byproduct of his misguided hogwash is what is intrinsically disordered, if not morally repugnant, and in the secular world, a crime against humanity. "Love the sinner, hate the sin," is not going to change a thing. Serial killer, Jeffrey Dahmer, also loved children.

There is a long way to go before human spirit emerges from the Dark Ages. Pontiffs and Presidents appear incapable of understanding the evolution of mind and reason. "God said so," wouldn't and shouldn't cut it in a court of law. The entire theoretical underpinning of the Pope's latest hit list, mobilizing Catholic politicians to look away from the Church pedophiles they're paying millions to shelter and instead scapegoat abandoned or abused children (presumably born of heterosexuals) who might have an opportunity to be raised in a loving home by two people who happen to love each other enough to make a sacred commitment.

[Full Editorial]

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Go To Hell
The Law of Guns and Canon
BY CLINTON FEIN
May 31, 2002

"De sexton," the Sixth commandment, ("Thou shall not commit adultery") is used as a catch-all phrase for any kind of sexual problem or crime, and conduct "in re turpi" (which refers to particularly offensive transgressions, including 'unnatural' acts) are the most frequently used by the Church to describe the conduct of their escalating wayward priests. Similarly, the United States military insists on adultery-free conduct for married servicemembers (Commanders in Chief notwithstanding) and even prohibits 'unnatural acts' such as sodomy (the infamous Article 125) between married adults.

More dangerous to the Church though, is the attack by decent Catholics who have finally decided enough is enough. Watching the Church leadership choke on its own moldy and stale diet of bigotry, deceit, blame and blackmail has become nothing short of a spectator sport in the United States, and with the God-answered cancellation of the XFL and the dismal failure to find the untouchable Osama bin Laden, Americans want blood.

In a series of what can only be politely termed public relations catastrophes, it appears that every time a Cardinal opens his mouth, another nail is hammered into the coffin of papal credibility, sending the media into a feeding frenzy and both Catholics and non-Catholics alike reeling in incredulous horror. For all his Doctor Strangelove evil logic and demented hand gestures, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld is winning the PR battle -- at least in America -- where the Church is imploding. From statements expressing how much the Pope loves contact with children, to strategically disastrous accusations and Clintonesque parsing from the likes of Cardinals Edward Egan, Bernard Law, Roger Mahoney and George Francis. All that's left is for them to adopt Michael Jackson's "Keep the Faith" as their theme song to get them through the crisis.

In a display of the worst possible arrogance and contempt, Law has accused children that were raped and molested, and their parents, of negligence. Los Angeles' Cardinal Roger Mahoney has been equally vitriolic as accusations of abuse by him and his priests mount by the minute. From Milwaukee to Florida, the list of abusive Bishops and priests keeps growing. The Boston archdiocese has identified more than 80 priests in the Boston area who have been accused of molesting minors over the past 40 years.

The Church closet is being ripped off its hinges, as she seeks to upgrade her current policy of sheltering pedophiles with relocation strategies that endanger children, paying off victims for their silence and continuing the systemic hierarchy of failure. Seemingly floored that the Church would be revealed as a bastion of homosexuality as its leaders sashay about in satin and sashes like aging beauty-pageant contestants, trying to pick up the pieces -- serving as a showcase to every aspiring drag queen by offering the only outlet where silky dresses and ornate jewelry can be worn legitimately and with impunity and still engender pride in Mom and Dad.

Celibacy has always been the perfect excuse to avoid repeating the embarrassing flaccidity on Prom night in a pre-Viagra age, where taking vows to refrain from carnal intimacy with women was nothing short of a blessed relief that finally put to rest the stereotypical, yet unavoidable, questions pertaining masculinity, sensitivity, sexual orientation and prolonged bachelorhood. Any man who looks you in the eyes and tells you they are "married to the Church" has sexual identity issues worth questioning.

[Full Editorial]