The only thing left for Condoleezza Rice to do on her trip to Jerusalem is to turn around and headbutt Prime Minister Ehud Olmert in the chest. It may have lost the World Cup for France, but it certainly characterizes the bull-in-a-china-shop style of American diplomacy, and is the only thing left that might restore her credibility. -- July 22, 2006

A proposed Constitutional amendment to allow Congress to prohibit desecration of the flag fell a single vote short of approval by the Senate. The 66-to-34 vote on the amendment was one vote short of the 67 required to send the amendment to the states for potential ratification as the 28th Amendment. Frist and Hatch had a shit fit, but we had a solution. -- June 28, 2006

Crackpot, crap-shot, Dirty Dick, the plastic-hearted, demented Vice President of the United States shot his friend in the neck, face and chest, causing him to be hospitalized where he suffered a heart attack. Could it be the Veep was jealous that his 78 year old friend had a better heart (even for a corrupt funeral home owner and crony) or did the Veep think he was shooting Scooter Libby, who earlier in the week suggested the Dick had authorized him to leak classified information? -- February 13, 2006

Amidst an escalating crisis, and hard, devastating evidence of gross incompetence, if not criminal negligence, Secretary of Homeland Security, ,Michael Chertoff, emerged, looking like a Dungeon Daddy stepping out of a gay bathhouse after a torrid weekend on crystal meth, and unconvincingly attempted to defend FEMA. -- September 20, 2005