In the last couple of months, frightening whores from a couple of TV networks botched two major stories -- Ronald Reagan and Jessica Lynch -- wrapping them in sensationalized packaging. From the bowels of NBC and CBS comes the incredible story of an American dream that nobody could ever forget...except the two of them! Ronnie and Jessica -- the most fanciful story ever told! -- November 8, 2003

The "Mission Accomplished" boast has been mocked many times since Bush's carrier speech as criticism has mounted over the failed search for weapons of mass destruction and the continuing violence in Iraq.

Governor-elect Schwarzenegger's expressed admiration for Hitler in his 1970's movie Pumping Iron and Nazi father meant nothing to voters. While his acting skill in the Lethal Weapons series may be more of a reason to crucify Mel Gibson than whatever it was that irked the Jews about Jesus back then, his outbursts have been so misdirected it's a wonder he hasn't accused Schwarzenegger of being Jewish. -- October 29, 2003

Contemptible commitments, scenario bleak; Contractual compunction, controversial leak. Condoning the neocons, conning the State; Contender conciliation a little too late. Controlling control freaks, containing the threat; Condoleezza confrontation, Defense Secretary Sweat -- October 12, 2003