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Thursday, April 25, 2002

Anus in the Morning and Dirty Daisy

…with the tip of my Timberland shoe.

Executive Producer of the “Imus in the Morning” radio program, Bernard McGuirk, expressing how he would apologize to New York Times columnist, Maureen Dowd, for publicly criticizing her labeling of the Church sex abuse scandal as pedophilia, rather than a homosexual, problem. McGuirk, apparently a former, cock-sucking altar boy himself, seems to be revealing, for a change, some deep-rooted hatred of women and confusion with the Church that turned him into little Blowjob Bernie. His frequently lame, yet hysterical and misogynistic, anti-gay diatribes are consistent with his dismal attempts at hyper-masculinity which are about as convincing as Liberace’s butch. Maybe it’s the bitter resentment at not quite fitting the Chelsea-boy-muscle-queen image he tries so desperately, and unsuccessfully, to pull off. His on-air fantasies about wrestling with little boys in underwear don’t do much to dispel where he’s coming from (so to speak) either. No one gives a fuck about homos, except you Bernie. Leave them alone, or is the wife not doing it for you? Maybe it's the Timberland treatment. Giggling like a coy schoolgirl, dried up curmudgeon Don Imus, (who tortures his listeners by gushing over his son like Kathy Lee Gifford peaking on ecstasy -- when he’s not wallowing in his martyrdom and boring the fuck out of everyone selflessly promoting the Imus Ranch - his kids-with-cancer-tax-write-off) edges him on like the teenage bully who never gets laid. Anus in the Morning would be a more apt name for a show with these fucking assholes.

Were you reminded of September 11? Can you tell us how the events of September 11 came to mind as you heard the news? New Yorkers were reminded of September 11 this morning…

MSNBC anchors Chris Jansing and later Bob Kerr desperately trying to create a link to the terrorist attacks of September 11 after an explosion – allegedly related to sign-making chemicals stored in the basement -- partly collapsed a 10-story commercial building April 25, 2002 in Manhattan, injuring over 30 people. New York policemen and firemen interviewed repeatedly answered, "no, not really", clearly used to these sorts of incidents. The only similarity, you sycophantic, bloodsucking journalistic yeast infections, is the attempt to sensationalize the news by tragically inept broadcast journalism at its syrupy worst. Maybe if some anthrax-carrying, suicide-bombing lunatic walked into the MSNBC newsroom and detonated herself on camera, viewers might be reminded of terrorism, but otherwise all they were fucking reminded of was just how pathetic and inadvertently transparent newsrooms attempts to stretch events to match an agenda are. Does this fucking rant remind you of a Pulitzer? Good. Neither did your goddamn broadcast.

We Get Results - The Microsoft Network's "death2israel" online "community," whose existence we noted yesterday, was gone by last night. But MSN seems to be a magnet for hate groups… We Get Results—II All five of the Microsoft Network hate "communities" we noted are now gone… We wrote the Microsoft rep and asked her if it really is the company's position that a reference to "the JEWnited States of America" is permissible under MSN's Terms of Service. Within three hours we had a response: "Per your questions . . ., this site has been disabled and is no longer accessible." Still accessible, though, are Aryan Skinheads United, Gathering place For white Nationalists and skins and at least five other white-supremacist "communities." We're tired of doing Microsoft's work for it, so we're not going to list the others just yet. We'll let you know in due course whether Microsoft seeks out and deletes the offending sites.

James Taranto, the fuckwad we seem to keep covering from the Wall Street Journal because he’s such a fucking self-righteous cunt. He had better watch out if he's rallying against what he terms ‘hate groups’ though. His constant war mongering look at the Web and associated commentary -- aside from being about as balanced as Fox News -- suggests a hatred toward liberals, libertarians and anyone who isn't a demented, gun-toting, flag waving supporter of Israel and the United States (regardless of policy). Opinion Journal, the WSJ editorial soapbox, would be first on any hate-inducing list. In the very same Opinion Journal diatribe, he snidely compares terrorist suspect Zacarias Moussaoui to Harry Browne. Taking his cue from the Andrew Sullivan chapter of literary KITSCH, (Keep It Tragically Simplistic and Chronically Hypocritical), anyone criticizing Taranto’s verbal diarrhea is branded as a terrorist. If anyone was wondering why poor Daniel Pearl, of all journalists, was targeted, they need only read James Taranto and his literary goon squad. Taranto appears hell bent on continuing his newly assumed role as the Jewish Journal Janitor, now targeting Yahoo as well. Perhaps the dumb fuck should just arrange an Opinion Journal virtual book burning, along with some Amazon-bought copies of Mein Kampf. Oh wait, no! From where will he follow the fucking instructions then? Once he’s washed the blood of Pearl from his hands, we can only wait to see what the motherfucker’s Final Solution is going to be. Rest assured, it will be a gas!

i-Dude!

Imus in the Morning news reader, Charles McCord, referring to Imus -- also referred to as the 'I-man' (And of course, A-hole). It wouldn't be so bad if these weren't fucking old men, for Christ's sake. Not even insecure, pre-adolescent high school girls fawning over the homecoming queen behave like this. Watching grown adults tiptoe around this grumpy fuck with a chip on his shoulder deeper than the fucking Grand Canyon, is beyond embarrassing. McCord, appears to be leader of the ‘yes men' brigade that fawns over Imus with enough brownnosing to embarrass any self-thinking male with a brain in his head, and make McGuirk wistful for the confessional box. For fuck's sake, in the name of Jesus, get a goddamn grip girls. Maureen Dowd and Andrea Mitchell, regular Imus callers, have more balls than all of you put together.

The obligatory fig leaf of art, used to cover up the ugliness of our single-minded obsession with adult sexual expression under any and all circumstances, is getting thinner and thinner. But still the Supreme Court trotted out the tired old convention that only the Supremes stand between Great Art and the philistine yahoos intent on chilling speech…Maybe I am stretching the bounds of legitimate discourse here. But would it be so horrible if contemporary remakers of "Romeo and Juliet" had to find some other means of personal expression besides showing a 13-year-old having sex?

Columnist Maggie Gallagher, commenting on the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn provisions of the 1996 Child Pornography Act, which made it illegal, among other things, to depict fictional, digitally created minors engaged in procreation. “The ugliness” she refers to, must be the self-image she has of her own pussy when she looks in the mirror, but Maggie, darling, not all pussy is frigid and icy like that. Recreating Juliet as a self-righteous, menopausal eighty-year-old with a dried up cunt and a prissy faux modesty like yours that could only turn on Gary Bauer -- and perhaps keep celibate the very few straight priests left in the Catholic Church – won’t sell well at the box office, you twat. Dry Fucking Miss Daisy just isn’t the date movie hormonally charged teens will flock to see.

What matters is what God's plan is. Not what we want. The UN wants cohabitants, homosexuals -- anything goes to be classified as a family.

Alan Keyes. Yes, it. Paraphrased, because he can’t string a sentence together. MSNBC, in an attempt to make up for its lily white saccharine anchor team that makes the KKK look ethnically diverse, has hired failed Presidential candidate, Alan Keyes, to host a show, ironically titled 'Making Sense', which is more like a shrill and confused diatribe by a hysterical twat who sounds like a goddamn schizophrenic preacher on crack. Sliding down a razor blade while digging pins into your eyes is a more pleasant experience than suffering through this show. If America wants to really punish the detainees at Guantanamo, they should force them to watch this fucking insult to airwaves, every night. MSNBC's transparent ‘token-black’ gesture makes them a lot more American than any of the other bullshit they spew in their promos, while Keyes himself continues to play the ‘race card’ to deflect criticism of his rabid ranting and inexcusable intolerance. Don Imus would get Bernard McGuirk to say it's time to nix the nigger (and then giggle nervously pretending he has no control over the foul mouthed faggot). So would Alan Keyes, if he was white. Racist motherfuckers are so much more tolerable when they’re at least honest about it.

Donahue...Matthews... Banfield... Keyes... fiercely independent...We don't take orders from anyone, just like every American...just like you... MSNBC. America's News channel...

Straight from the Bernard McGuirk School of Faux Masculinity, the MSNBC voiceover used for most promos between programming that is annoying enough to turn Ghandi into a fucking suicide bomber. Attempting to sound tough by mimicking the loud, fat bastard, Billy Mays (from those fucking annoying OxyClean commercials), the VO is more a cross between RuPaul and Richard Simmons. More Cher than Shwarzenegger. More pussy than pluck. With Don Imus, Alan Keyes, Chris Matthews (and regular guests like Guardian Angels' self-righteous hypocrite, Curtis Sliwa, and Catholic League's yellow-toothed, morally bankrupt, William Donahue), Andy Lack's MSNBC is nothing more than a Fox News wannabe without the fucking gonads to admit it.

We must do everything we can to protect children from sexual exploitation,'' Fisher said. ``This new law is designed to stop the proliferation of Internet child pornography by requiring that Internet service providers prevent access to sites that contain this offensive and illegal material.

Pennsylvania Attorney General Mike Fisher announcing that a new state law is in effect that requires internet service providers to deny access to any child pornographic material on their service that is available to individuals in the Commonwealth. Fisher said his Child Sexual Exploitation Unit would enforce the new law. Offering a form to file complaints, required fields, include First Name, Last Name, Address, Zip Code, email address and Phone Number. Obviously anonymous tips are not welcome, and there is no privacy policy on the site to speak of, suggesting your data could be data mined and sold as a concerned citizen most likely to be duped into buying flawed filtering software. This fucking initiative ought to be renamed “The Consumer Whistle Blowing Prevention Act”. A search for the word "privacy" on the site yields nothing in the way of a privacy policy other than language on certain forms expressing that "as part of the complaint handling process, the Bureau may send a copy of this form to the individual or company against whom your complaint is filed." So while this dumb fuck may have wonderful intentions by placing a rather chilling burden of access prevention on ISPs, it's a stretch to claim this bill would constitute doing "everything we can to protect children from sexual exploitation". "Doing everything we can," would, at least, include offering to protect people who are willing to report child pornography without worrying about having their name and address disclosed and the forms being sent to the accused. Is it up to the ISP to authenticate birth certificates of people who might look under 18? Should ISPs scout the Internet in search of child pornography or wait to be notified, and if so, by whom? Is a sexual image of a seventeen year old, which is of the age of majority in the Netherlands, considered child pornography if accessed through a Pennsylvanian ISP? Provide answers, not questions you cocksucking idiot. Who do you think you are? John Fucking Ashcroft?


 
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