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Thursday, March 7, 2002

Boxing Paula and Ripping O'Reilly

Memo to rest of world: It's true that America is the mightiest country in the world, possibly in history. And if you want to worship us, we're cool with that. But we aren't actually God. Some things we don't control.

Wall Street Journal’s James Taranto, March 5, 2002 in the paper’s Opinion Journal in the kind of jingoistic, preadolescent claptrap that saturates the paper’s editorial pages. While the rest of the corporate controlled media whores at MSNBC, Fox and CNN wax indignant poetic about the role of journalists in war, it’s this kind of self-serving shitspew that pisses off fundamentalist pigs who kill journalists and make Daniel Pearl’s kidnap and murder ever so slightly less mouth-gaping than were he, say, a journalist from Independent Media.

"We Were Soldiers" smashes most of the stock images of Vietnam that Hollywood has created over the years. The GIs never criticize the war or ask why they're fighting. Some are even happy to be there--the first American killed in battle dies saying, "I'm glad I can die for my country." To many in Hollywood, Vietnam was such an immoral war for this country to wage that it could only leave those who fought it confused, violent or insane--hence Rambo. Not so in Mr. Gibson's movie. None of the soldiers go crazy, join the peace movement or turn out to be weirdoes. They're God-fearing, devoted husbands who fight with courage and honor. The only thing that's abnormal about their return home is that not all of them are welcomed at the airport--a criticism not of the war, but of those who protested it.

Underscoring the point made above, Wall Street Journal’s “art critic,” Brendan Miniter, Monday, March 4, 2002 in a review of Mel Gibson’s latest starring role as a soldier he so desperately wants people to think he is. Asshole. For some people -- even self-serving capitalist pigs who care more about stock prices than people and who hypocritically go to Church and pray to God to save the unborn children of the women they fuck without condoms and to ask for forgiveness for the sons of bitches they send to the death chambers –- war is not something to be relished with the fervor of a freshly fucked nun at a prison rodeo. Get a grip or go watch Clockwork Orange, idiot. You might learn something.

I respect a good opposition raising important, concrete questions about tactics and strategy in a war. But I suspect whiners who are angling for political advantage at the possible expense of this country's security, and our troops' safety. That's what Daschle now is. He should make real arguments, advance substantive criticisms, or shut up. But he's too cowardly to do the former and too opportunistic to do the latter.

Andrew Sullivan, Gaydom’s Uncle Tom, who would rim an Al Qaeda terrorist if he could write about it in yet another self-serving ode to himself. In his typical self-righteous right wing drivel (sucked straight from the cocks of Ralph Reed and other Scaiffe Quill Queens) that invariably send the pseudo-liberal left and gay gossip ghetto into hysterical hen-flapping frenzies. Gee, Daschle’s a self-serving, opportunistic politician. Holy shit! Stop the presses! Why don’t you stick to stories about your testosterone binges, Sullivan, or get up off your over-fucked ass and head to Pakistan where real journalists dare wonder in search of truth?

He lied to people. Do you take that into account when you evaluate the man? Why do we want serial deceivers in congress? Why? If you deceive in one area of your life, you’re likely to deceive in others. Condit, of course, would never appear in a media forum where he would be taken to task. He is a true coward.

The Patron Saint of Shitspew, none other than Fox News’ holier-than-thou hypocrite, Bill O’Reilly, in faux indignation on his show, The O’Reilly Factor, to Gary Baron, a Gary Condit supporter. Of course, just prior to his show, freshly-stolen-from-CNN, Greta van Susteren, was wetting her seat over remarks by none other than disgraced liar, Oliver North, who Fox presented as a Lt. Col. Never mind that the lying motherfucker is not currently a Lt. Col., that he blatantly lied under oath to Congress and shredded more documents quicker and more effectively than the thieves at Arthur Andersen and Enron, and never mind that the other talented journalist Fox nabbed, Geraldo Rivera, was running around packing heat in a location that was probably Murdoch's mansion in Sydney, but was definitely not where Fox said it was. Jesus Holy Fucking Christ, Ashleigh Banfield is more of a journalist than these small-cocked Viagra-popping loose canons. If journalism was a penis, O'Reilly would be The Clap. Let’s see if you have the balls to have take you to task publicly. Fucking coward.

It’s for the children.

Yep. You know those famous words. Whenever you hear a grown man sounding ever so slightly hysterical and passionately exhibiting an unusual focus on the orifices of gay men, hide your kids! Walter Larimore, MD from Focus on the Family to Bill O’Reilly using skewered research no one ever heard of to support denying adoption of unwanted kids to gay parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah! The kind of twat who will advocate abstinence instead of birth control, frown on abortion, and then deny a kid a home with someone who actually wants to be a parent. Why don’t we hire Andrea Yates to bath the kids so that those horrible faggots don’t give them a decent roof over their heads you fucking idiot? When you have a cunt like this running around poking his nose into people’s homes and private lives, it reinforces an appreciation for more than just the First Amendment.

If you shoot for the moon, as Mr. Fleischer put it, and you fail, there are consequences. And I think that‘s something that Americans, including American diplomats and politicians, haven‘t really thought through. That if you try one of these peace proposals - there‘s another one on the table right now —and it fails, you might be actually well worse off than you would have been had you not tried it.

New York Post columnist, Daniel Pipes, to MSNBC’s Alan Keyes in support of Press Secretary Ari Fleischer’s criticism of the Clinton Administrations attempts to secure peace in the Middle East, suggesting instead that doing nothing would be more productive. Fat lot of good walking away from the Conference on Racism did for Israel and America, didn’t it? Expecting anything other than a predictable Clinton slam by the New York Post would be about as smart as hiring Lizzie Grubman as a valet for a fundraiser for a shelter for indigent black women. This tired, late-nineties, angry-white-male insecurity is about attractive as that rotting fetus on your head you call a hairstyle dude. Yeah, criticizing someone for his looks is pathetic and juvenile. It’s not his looks; it’s his style actually. And tell someone who gives a fuck.

President Clinton engaged in conduct that impeded the due administration of justice by testifying falsely under oath ... that he could not recall ever being alone with Monica Lewinsky; and he had not had a sexual affair or engaged in sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky.

A final report released this week by Independent Counsel Robert Ray who replaced Kenneth Starr in the multimillion-dollar investigation into President Clinton’s blowjob. While Kenneth Starr dug, and esteemed congressmen Robert Barr, Trent Lott, Henry Hyde, Rick Santorum, Asa Hutchinson, Dick Armey and Gary Condit, to name a few, jacked off over blue semen-stained dresses from The Gap, a group of terrorists led by Osama bin Laden was plotting to attack the United States. While these self-serving, sycophantic dregs of human waste spent your taxes, their ill-timed witchhunt makes them guilty of treason by distraction. Enemies of the State. They ought to be strung up in a public square and branded for the constitution-murdering pieces of shit they are. The blood of victims of the World Trade Center and Afghanistan killing fields is on their hands, and next time you hear petty partisan griping from Lucianne, mommy’s boy Jonah Goldberg, Matt Drudge, Chris Matthews, Laura Ingraham, Mona Charen and the Ann Coulters of the world (remember the ones claiming to ‘follow the stink’) about lack of support for Bush’s Secret War of Perpetual Military Spending, remind these motherfuckers who they are, where they come from and give them Jack Kervorkians phone number.

My first concern as a woman, messing my face up. I just got my nose done, and I don’t want to mess it up.

From the “You Couldn’t Make This Shit Up” Department. Paula Jones responding to Fox Network’s announcement that she will fight disgraced figure skater Tonya Harding in a celebrity boxing match, replacing convicted, gun-toting teen, Amy Fisher. Of course an event this classy could only be brought to us by Rupert Murdoch. And of course, Bill O’Reilly will probably criticize Monica Lewinsky the night it airs for her tell-all HBO Special, “Monica: In Black & White”. Say what you want, side with who you will, and call us at phony, elitist, pompous little pricks, but the difference between an upbringing in a trailer park in Arkansas and a house in Beverly Hills, is that those raised in the latter have the instinct to recognize that a Bruce Weber-like black and white special – choreographed with perfect camera angles, shadows and a team of make-up artists on hand – are infinitely better for one’s career, image and credibility than a full-color bloodied nose in a Rupert Murdoch/Gerry Springer boxing ring. Paula, don’t worry though honey, the nose job never helped to begin with.


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