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Friday, January 31, 1997


by Clinton Fein

Hey! If you’re reading this, and you’re a “minor” you’re becoming a willing party to an illegal act. Click on your back button, and get the fuck outa here!

"What does 'party to an illegal act' mean anyway?", you might ask. Well in Singapore, it might mean an older man asking you to thrust your ass in the air so that he can whip it. In America, it could mean anything ranging from reparative Electro- therapy to handcuffs and bullets, depending on a whole lot of things ranging from the color of your skin to who you fuck.

Here’s the deal. If you’re too young to understand what sex or hypocrisy are, this discussion won’t hurt you. If you can read and understand - and these are questions that are of concern to you - then read on, and find someone you can talk to about them. Use technology to assist you if you can. You will continue to encounter what might be considered “swear words," or "profanities" by "adults", which are words that are generally used to express feelings or emotions more forcefully or descriptively, and which some might consider “impolite”.

A bunch of idiots (also known as politicians) in Washington D.C. have decided that you be excluded from any kind of mature dialog. Out of touch with you, out of touch with your needs, out of touch with your reality and out of touch with your generation, these clowns have decided that the use of any words, images or content that may be considered “adult” be screened from you. Whether you’re four-years-old or seventeen.

Not all of you have sex. Some of you may be too young, not interested or simply not ready for it yet. Some might be curious and some of you may be screwing around like crazy. Regardless, these people don’t want you knowing about what to do if you are having sex, how to deal with people who want to have sex with you when you don’t, what you need to know about sex, and what you can do to protect yourselves.

They don’t want us to tell you about things like rape and violence, and don’t seem to care that many of you are raped and that many of you are victims of violence. They don’t want us to talk to you about what is really happening, about issues like sex, abortion, gun control, or drugs. Your reality.

They slash funding for education as they simultaneously decry the breakdown of the educational system. They demand that you understand that “the emission of methane gas” is just a “decent” way of saying “fart.” They want us to talk to you in language that is doctored, clinical and sanitized instead of recognizing that you want and appreciate direct, honest communication.

A congressman from Oklahoma, Tom Coburn thinks that when you watch images that can only begin to reflect the horror of human nature, you will focus more on a man’s penis, than you will on the fact that he is being led into a shower to be gassed for being Jewish, or gypsy, or queer, or different. Why? Because that’s what he sees. That’s his focus and his reality, and he wants to shove his paranoia and perversion on to you, so that in some twisted way, you won’t become what he is.

They think that because you are too young to vote that you don’t care about society, the planet and how politicians are destroying things for your generation and the generations to follow. They think that because you don’t have a vote that your voice or opinions mean nothing. They’re flipping you off, while telling you that they’re “protecting” you. The equivalent of condoms with holes in them.

Some of you might continue to explore this site illegally, and anonymously tell these "leaders", politicians and self-proclaimed “defenders” exactly how you feel and what you think of them. That is, after all, what the site is about. One can annoy them by letting them know that you are annoyed. Send them the message, send it for your friends, and send it for the people who don’t have access to computers. Send it from yourself, or if you prefer, from annoy.com, and send it as often as you like. They need to hear from you. Let them know that although you cannot vote now, you may soon, and you’ll remember.

And one last thing. Put that magazine back under your mattress!


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