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Tuesday, February 5, 2002

Cover Ups and Statues

Sung to the tune of My Favorite Things

Paintings of Jesus
Not Statues of Venus
Excessive fabrics
No uncovered Penis
Madonna in Paisley
And Adam sans Loin
These are the things that will temper my groin.

Drapes that are velvet
And no information
Virtue in place of
Artistic Sensation
Policies Hard
Like the bulge in my Briefs
These are consistent with Christian Beliefs.

When the Brush Strokes,
When the Press Jokes,
When my Loads Erupt.
I simply will Cover Up
All in my sights
And then I won’t feel

He has more important things to worry about than what appears in the pictures
Justice Department spokeswoman Barbara Comstock, Curtains for semi-nude justice statue, Tuesday, 29 January, 2002, British Broadcasting Corporation

The international press got a good laugh out of the Justice Department's decision last week to spend $8,000 on drapes to hide two seminude statues that appear behind Attorney General John Ashcroft in news conferences. Installed during the 1930s in the Justice Department's Great Hall, the statues depict the male Majesty of Justice and the female Spirit of Justice. Majesty of Justice wears a loincloth; Spirit of Justice wears a toga that exposes one breast.
Sara Fritz, The price of modesty: $8,000 and some global ribbing, St. Petersburg Times, February 3, 2002

A draft dodger, a defender of slavery, an eager gobbler of Enron bribes, a panting raper of American liberties, a bug-eyed twanger of love songs to Jesus -- what's not to like? After his election to the U.S. Senate, he famously poured cooking oil on his head, in emulation of the anointing of King David -- for like that royal favorite of the Most High, Ashcroft too had come into "dominion over men."
Chris Floyd, Global Eye -- Drapes of Wrath, Friday, Feb. 1, 2002. The Moscow Times

From the Greatest Country on Earth comes news that the United States Department of Justice spent over 350,000 baht of taxpayers' money on a set of blue drapes that hang outside the Great Hall, a two-storey structure that is used for very important speeches and ceremonies starring very important people such as Attorney General John Ashcroft.
Now the "official" government line _ which, as every buffalo and squirrel knows, is not necessarily the same thing as "the truth" _ is that the curtains are a handsome backdrop for politicians when the cameras are pointed at them. However, according to American media reports, the real reason they're up there is because they're covering two partially-nude statues that the attorney general didn't like being photographed in front of.
Andrew Hiransomboon, It couldn't happen here, The Bangkok Post, February 1, 2002


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