‘Twas the day before Christmas, and bombs were still dropping
While America frantically finished its shopping;
The catalogs, glossy, boasted products obscene,
Packaged in red, white and blue and in green.
The children lay fearful and cold in their beds
While a President’s message crept into their heads;
If your mamma is too cheap to fill up your stocking,
She’s anti-American and isn’t that shocking?
When a child wracked with hunger in the slums of Kabul
Found a food package, yellow, and started to drool.
Tearfully kneeling she began to say grace,
Then she picked it up slowly and it blew off her face
And back in the Homeland the News channels were churning
What Christmas Day Specials will keep patriotism burning?
Mark Bingham would be great if he wasn’t a pansy,
Or a dead-five-years tribute to JonBenet Ramsey!
And back in DC there was plenty of fuss,
What’s best for America, what’s best for us?
Congress was leaving, yes lawmakers were going
With bailouts to airlines and sweet deals to Boeing;
“My stimulus package,” did the President cry,
And sent out Ari Fleischer to cajole and to lie.
“Get them to spend every penny they make.
If they love their dear country, who needs bread when there’s cake?”
“With a weakened economy, this is not rocket science!
(As we give planes, bombs and guns to the Northern Alliance).
The joy of so much military spending’s a thrill
I’ll call in John Ashcroft, civil liberties kill.”
And brands that were battered were doing all that they could,
To get you to spend just to make you feel good.
Banana Republic and Levis and Gap
Draped their product in flags and then offered them back.
Abercrombie and Fitch yanked the sex off their shelves.
Not quite the right year to sell Santa fucking his elves.
Taliban Barbie with her own Barbie burka
And an Al-Quaeda Ken just to whip and to rape her.
Starbucks sold coffee in cups green, red and blue.
We’re American, how can we prove it to you?
We will sell toys to your son and then games to your daughter.
We’ll sell cups to your parents and sell firemen water.
Neiman and Macys, how dare we the two,
Compare by the products they’re selling to you.
Or by their displays draped in flags bright and sunny
Confuse mark-ups with bulk while you give them all of your money.
And in Beverly Hills in Department store Saks
Patriot teacups sat on Old Glory racks.
Pearl Harbor gingerbread, Hollywood always delivers,
Winona stashing goods on prescription pain killers.
Burdines and Bloomingdales, Sears, Chrysler, Ford
FedExing dough in the name of the Lord.
God Bless America, bless our faith-based solutions.
Spending spree binges triumphing old constitutions.
I woke with a jump, could this really be true?
That Christmas forever’s now red white and blue.
Oh where have I been, little TV have I seen.
“JINGO BELLS DARLINGS, THE MONEY’S STILL GREEN!”